it's the absolute beginning of the end....

dont know why but feel like having that as the heading of my post...and nothing else...

ann(he he) hall

watched annie hall directed by woody allen last night and im still on a high... anyone would be i guess....take this dialogue for example.... Annie: (talking about California): "Its so amazingly clean"....Alvy (played by a brilliantly neurotic Woody Allen): But of course it will be. They take all their garbage and put it on television".... i mean wot normal person wouldnt love it.... or this one-liner he repeats constantly in the movie, "I would never want to belong to a club that would have me for a member".... well its apparently originally Freud but delivered by him its like it was written by him, for him...
i've seen one other film of his--husbands and wives...that was such a unique movie because it was so eerily real. but the theme that runs through all these movies is this sarcasm which simply gets to me. throw in a little bit of bitterness combined with sarcasm or even a mild mockery and you have me hooked for life... i love charlie chaplin for that.... ummm... anyways, i knew woody allen was great but i now think he's god. going to get his other movies, especially 'wots new, pussycat'? it has peter sellers and woody allen...rare rare treat....

it takes all types...

this post is about a girl i met recently and her truly remarkable story. i dont know her complete story. probably never will. and i dont think it really matters if i do or dont because this post is essentially about me.
i dont want to go into how i met her or how we got chatting because things like this will happen to me only and its very hard to explain the how or why. but from the moment i met her i knew her life was, well basically fucked up. i just get a sense about these things and 9 times out of 10, im right.
anyways so we got chatting and she told me she has never had a family. not that she's an orphan but that her dad died when she was a child and that she has lived all alone since then. i dont know how it works but i was too scared to ask her for fear of releasing some deep seated emotion i couldn't handle...
standing there in semi darkness listening to her saying in a gradually peaking voice of desperation almost, 'but i've never had anybody, but i've never had anybody' .....gave me goose bumps...and a perverse sense of happiness thanking god for my own parents...
i cant think of coming back home day after day after day to nobody. having no one to call me during the day and ask me if i've had lunch, no body to serve me dinner when i come home so tired sometimes im ready to cry, nobody to stonewall me when i come home late on saturday nights, no one to have stupid fights with...
i see so so many half families around me, im almost scared to speak aloud of mine for fear they'll be taken away... where ever will i be then?....

little birdie...

this morning a little bird came outside our kitchen and started chirping and my mom said, who has come to visit me... and stood watching it for a couple of seconds....it was so nice to see her in the quiet of the morning standing and listening to the bird. the innocence of that moment will stay with me for a while....
a friend of mine once said she loves my house because it is so peaceful... i think its the best compliment i have received in a while... and i know whom to thank...

ahhhhhhhhh.......................

ok its gng to be a crazy crazy day tomo...and i may not have a job the day after. basically my BIG boss is coming and well i dont think it is gng to b v good for me..... keeping my fingers crossed, blow me a good-luck kiss....

hate the damn french!!

have just started french classes and i can say i positively hate it. i mean why the hell do they have all those extra letters if they dont intend to use it? and as if it wasnt complicated enough, there are those funny little thingies on the top of some words which changes what it has taken you forever to learn in the first place....but i am not one to give up easily. i shall persist to the end. till then heres wishing me a bonne journee!

socially depressed...

coined by yours truly to talk about social shyness (atleast that phrase exists right??)... i just realised how much i hate talking to people. not everybody but most people...
some people i switch off from the first word because most often than not i hate going through the process of listening to them from 'go' and having to respond 'appropriately' when i dont care/dont know what they are talking about....
i get the feeling of being held by my hair and dragged into a conversation at times....and i am in the most social of all professions....no not a prostitute silly.....a journalist...yeah i know its one step above, but hey who cares......sigh, the things i get myself into....